My Feelings Regarding Hospitalization (As Promised)

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I don’t find hospitals enjoyable. I could leave it at that, and have one of the shortest blog entries ever! But…here goes:

Hospitals are rumored to be places of healing–a place to fix the broken and heal the infirm.  Other than the sometimes really great drugs (and the surgeries that they frown on you taking the do-it-yourself approach at home), I will do ANYTHING to stay out of the hospital. I’ve been in the hospital A LOT in my life. First, as a frequent visitor to my Mom–not only admitted, but she also worked in a hospital, and in lieu of day care, I often went to work with her (typically watching TV in an empty patient room).  Then, as a patient.  Did I say a lot?

Embarrassing, humiliating things often happen to me in the hospital. As part of the reality of my crappy health, I experience bowel obstructions. During one such hospitalization, my system decided to  *ahem* fix the situation itself on the gurney during an abdominal x-ray…in front of a gorgeous male tech with porcelain skin, black hair, and sparkly green eyes. Yep.  You pictured that correctly. I involuntarily soiled myself in front of not just a witness, but a really, really good looking one. Hubbs says it serves me right for lusting after someone who was not my husband, haha!

Sleep is a near impossibility for me in a hospital.  IF I do drift off, I get rousted at 3 am for blood draws (and I have poor veins) or vital signs checks, or get woken up to take a pain or (once) a sleeping pill! Obviously, I’m feeling pain free enough to sleep (leave me alone!) and don’t need a sleeping pill to go to sleep if I’m already asleep (leave me alone!).  

Using the bathroom (or not being allowed to without getting an adult). For me, there is usually the catheter situation OR the requirement to get a nurse before taking myself to the bathroom; this typically results in me trying not to mess/pee the bed due to nurses being chronically short handed (I do appreciate the over all high quality of work from most nurses I have encountered–but hospitals do seem to run those poor folks ragged).
When I’m ill enough to actually willingly go to the hospital, it often means some kind of surgery or painful procedure is on the agenda, or will be.  Hospitals are breeding grounds for staph infections. I’m not a hypochondriac, but that possibility terrifies me! Once you have staph, it can stay in your system forever, like a ticking time bomb…

TV.  There’s only so much Law and Order a person can tolerate, not to mention all of the food commercials when on a liquid diet. Blargh.  I know people usually complain about hospital food.  I’m not going to do that. I live in a foodie town and St. Vinny’s has reportedly some of the best cuisine in a hospital on the West Coast. When I’ve been allowed to eat, I’ve actually enjoyed my meals there. 

…and the superficial reasons? I get bored. I often don’t feel like reading, coloring, doing puzzles, etc…  (This last time, I had Netflix on my iPad.  Thank goodness!).  My friends and family get to see me in a hospital gown, no bra, hair often snarled, with no makeup (I’m an eyeliner and lipstick girl…but even though I don’t wear tons of makeup, I at least want these two things before seeing people).  Also, I get to see loved ones sad or frustrated because I’m in the hospital. That’s stressful for everyone!  

Anyway, finally feeling better today.  Another hospitalization averted! I’m going to end the blog now so that I can go use the bathroom…WITHOUT an adult!  Living life on the wild side, Baby!  

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